Marriage Lessons from Birth

Kim A Goodin

If you were offered the vacation of your dreams with an unlimited expense account to any where in the world I'm sure most of you would jump at the chance to take the offer. However if one of the requirements of taking that vacation was to accept a 50% possibility that you would be killed when your plane crashed, would you still jump at the chance to take that offer? Most likely that would dampen your desire to take the trip. HOWEVER the statistics tell us that in marriage there is a 50% chance that you will crash and burn.

No one believes it will happen to them going into a marriage but sadly even Christian marriages seem to have this same rate of failure. God intends for marriages to be "until death to us part". But with so many broken homes it is becoming even easier to think of marriage as a business relationship where when it doesn't work out every one just moves on.

We learn about marriage and relationships from our own parents and the world around us. Sadly the media shows casual sex and broken marriages as the norm and rarely show a happy marriage such as the Cleavers from "Leave it it to Beaver" any more. Men are portrayed as weak and even made to be the butt of family "humor". Is it no wonder the children of today don't know what a "good marriage" is?

A recent study showed that young children learn even as babies how to relate within relationships. DUH I could have told them that without the expense of a study. If they don't get the warmth from hugs and loving as a child they won't be able to give it as an adult. If all they know is yelling and screaming when they were growing up then that is how they will handle situations in future relationships.

A couple needs to know going into marriage about the others background. Watch how each of their parents relate to each other and realize how much of their pasts will affect their future. Choose to over come the past negatives and incorporate the positives into their own relationship.

I know at times I can see my mother-in-law in my wife just as she can see my dad in me. Not that this is a problem as there are some wonderful traits of my dad's that I would be proud to have. On the other hand there are those negative ones as well which is why I can get my wife's attention quickly by calling her by her mom's name as a reminder that she is doing something that reminds me of her mom.

Discuss your needs and desires. Share your past experiences and memories as you grow closer together. Use the past as a road map to where you want to be instead of a barrier keeping you from getting there. Keep Christ as the head of your home. This marriage of three in the end keeps you strong. Ecclesiastes 4:12 tells us: "A triple-braided cord is not easily broken."

Don't use the past as a crutch or an excuse but realize it is part of who you are and how you will relate to others. Build upon those memories and experiences with positive new ones as you build your marriage together with your spouse. Then as you have your own children try to instill these positive values within them as they watch you being loving parents as well as loving partners in marriage. Remember they are watching and listening, taking it all in as they learn from you about relationships.